I Agree With you

When I was twenty-five, I fell into the one of my favorite jobs ever, working in the conference division of a hugely-respected think tank in Washington, DC. I had literally come from a waitressing stint at TGI Fridays, so it was a wee bit of an understatement to say I felt very out of my league among the Ph.Ds and People You See On Sunday Morning Talk Shows. I don’t know why, but my boss liked my work, and championed me through several promotions. In our ten years of working together, he taught me a ton about the kind of leader I wanted to be.

Shortly after being promoted, I sat in on a meeting with the Senior Staff – don’t remember what the topic was about, but they were having a hard time reaching agreement. My boss listened without comment to one person make his case, then another, until everyone had a chance to speak their mind. Finally, he turned to me, and asked what I thought.

It was the first time I had to give an opinion in front of this rather intimidating group, but I took a breath and spoke as honestly – and as diplomatically – as I could. When I was finished, my boss paused a moment, then said, “I agree with you.”

The meeting went on for another twenty minutes, but I have no clue what else was discussed. I floated the rest of the day on those four words, words that did more to make me feel I belonged than anything else up to then.

I’ve thought an awful lot about the power of words, and how the right ones can do more to make someone feel like a contributing part of the team than all the platitudes about teamwork and people first we usually yodel about in the workplace. I sincerely doubt that my boss carefully considered what would be a prime moment to insert a motivational phrase, but as motivators go, “I agree with you” is just fine, and in that instance, it was perfect. Anything more effusive, and he would have been patronizing the junior member at the table. Instead, he treated me as a colleague, sending a clear signal to the rest of the Senior Staff that they could, too.

The Take-Away: If you can say something along the lines of “I agree with you,” “that was well-said,” “I hadn’t thought of it from that angle before,” “you handled that well,” to someone, and you’re confident that you mean it sincerely, please say it. You never know who could use a little positive affirmation, or where it will take them.